Merry Christmas, everyone!
Today I’m enjoying the day off and looking forward to pasta with my mother later tonight.
Until then, I have been working on my second revision of “Murder at Vinnie’s” after receiving some feedback on the first.
Here are some of the new parts and some of my favorite parts:
1. Vinnie, distracted by the flirtations of his mistress Federica, pays no attention to his wife Victoria.
VICTORIA: Vincent, I think Luigi is really hurt. I’m going to talk to him and calm him down. And maybe hit one of the waitresses with my shoe.
VINNIE: Wow, honey, that’s so interesting.
VICTORIA: Vincent? Are you paying attention to me?
VINNIE: Of course you look beautiful, honey. Those body-shapers really do hide all your lumpy-lumps!
VICTORIA: That’s great to know. When I come back, we have to talk about my last trip to the doctor. I might have cancer.
2. Federica wants Vinnie to marry her. He refuses since he is already married.
FEDERICA: But you don’t love her!
VINNIE: That’s what I like about my marriage. It’s normal.
3. Federica and Victoria fight. Still not sure about this part.
FEDERICA: You’re just jealous because you can’t please Vinnie like I can!
VICTORIA: It’s not my fault my husband has atrocious taste!
FEDERICA: No, he doesn’t!
VICTORIA: Yes, he does! He wears Fubu!
4. Detective Hennessy and Officer Fabulous run through possible scenarios to figure out who killed Vinnie.
HENNESSY: …Junior Ventimiglia, realizing that he lost his childhood as his father romped with his piano teacher, became depressed and committed suicide.
JUNIOR: No, I didn’t!
I will probably go over it a couple more times to sharpen the humor and make the characters more consistent. I think the play also has issues with build-up and payoff, as well as character development. Although to be honest, there really is no point to having the characters really well-developed because it’s a corny, stock-comedy sort of play.
Thanks to Johnny Meuser for helping me with revisions!