I think working out of a Moleskine has pushed me into a more poetic phase. Wrote this a while ago but never got around to typing it up and posting it.
This is an old friend’s story and a very raw draft.
Lost Love Song
In my blue dreams, we reunite on the beach after years of separation. It’s a gloomy morning and I’m walking to clear my head. I spot you further down the shore, watching the sun rise slowly over the rim of the ocean’s cup. The trouble in your eyes grieves my heart. I remember cradling your head in my arms when things went unwell and how in return, you became my body’s second home and my soul’s first. I can’t stop myself; I run toward you as fast as my fragile legs can carry me. A shell – or a stone, I can’t tell – cuts me, but I ignore the pain in my sole. Time grows thick as I slowly stumble through the sand. I only push harder.
Finally, I am beside you, holding your face, looking into the forever in your beady, bright eyes. I kiss you on the forehead, on the cheeks, on the eyelids, on the lips, loud and long – I miss every inch of you. You grab my shoulders to stop me so you can get a good look at my face. Without saying anything, we know we are thinking the exact same thoughts. We can’t help but smile.
You are like my forefathers, for you have made me who I am. You are like the children I have yet to bear, for I love you unconditionally. You are like my very self, for I look at you and see everything I have been, am and could be.
In my orange dreams, we speed recklessly down the road in your brand new car, tops down. We whizz through Downtown on your bike – I sit behind you with my hands around your waist and press my face into the back of your neck. We run and run and run through the countryside until we collapse from exhaustion. Together, we lie down in a meadow where we are surrounded by flowers and tall grass. The whole world is ours.
As we lay in the meadow or stare at each other on the beach or do whatever draws us together in my mind, my heart fills with something strange and intangible that almost renders it senseless, the way the nose is overwhelmed by an impending sneeze.
“I can’t believe we’ve gone on so long without ever uttering a word to each other,” you say.
“I wish I knew about you since the day I was born. I would’ve known to seek you then. I would’ve spent my life doing it,” I say.
“But you did.”
I was impatient but now we’re here, closer than ever before. Honey, we can go out ice skating tonight. We’ve never done it before, but we can learn and try.
I want to feed you sweet things and fruit so my fingers can accidentally brush your lips.
I want to feel the warmth of your skin against my skin under the coolness of the sheets.
We can cuddle up under a blanket on your sofa, sipping soup and watching cable TV, just like you always imagined.
I can learn to be better for you, if you just give me a chance.
You can learn how to play the guitar again, so you don’t have to pretend like you never knew how.
Our lives will never be perfect but they will be so much better than either of us expected.
Can’t you see where we’re coming from? And where we’re going now? Where I’ll end up if you discard me? How you’ll feel at night if I finally forget you?
You turned away so coldly when I saw you last. Now I move only in my mind – exploring the world with you, reuniting on the beach. Exploring on the beach, reuniting with you again. Hey – who are we, again?